Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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