i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize