the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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