My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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