Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
