Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize