i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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