grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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