if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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