The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
