I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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