And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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