he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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