yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
