3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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