Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
