I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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