so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
pray to the hookup gods
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
