so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
