Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
