You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the day after is always just damage control
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
