im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
