I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
