if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
