I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
