How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
