what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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