So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
