He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
