He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
