I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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