I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
