yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
