then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
