Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry about my life...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
