Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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