Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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