This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
