Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
