I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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