sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
