I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
