so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize