I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
