You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
