i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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