OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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