By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
