): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize