I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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