**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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