is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
