we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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