Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize