You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
