He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
