Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
