: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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