he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
do herpes really smell.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize