all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
