If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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