I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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