If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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