tonight lets celebrate not being married
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
